I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
