He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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