he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
