Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
