she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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