Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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