a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
