Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
either way he was missing a nipple.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
