Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this beer tastes like vomit already
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
