dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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