I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
