what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
