my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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