The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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