I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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