she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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