it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
