I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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