the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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