I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
