My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
