If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
