you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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