all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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