while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
