tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
