At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Buhtt sex?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
