btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
