On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I AM VODKA MAN
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
