We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm like, not good at living.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
