why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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