I'm jealous of your bromance
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
