Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
