I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There are leaves in my underwear?
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