we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
