Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
