Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
