I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
