very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
