he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
