Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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