went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
