this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
