I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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