i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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