4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
