We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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