I heard we made out
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
