it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
