New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
